Although it sounds simple, trusting God is something I am still learning about and struggling with every day. In a society that values autonomy and personal merit, it is very easy for me to lose sight of who God is, and put my trust in everyone or everything else besides Him. God has proven himself worthy of my trust time and time again, yet my stubborn heart still wrestles with completely trusting Him.
My journey of trusting God began at a young age when life as I knew it suddenly changed. At the end of 2005, our family made the hard decision to move from Brazil to the United States. Coming to a different country did not make much sense to my nine-year-old self. I had no idea what to expect life in America to be like. I did not speak English at the time (aside from your basic hello and please & thank you, I had to learn it all from the very beginning) nor did I know anyone here. Everything was so new and exciting yet at the same time so scary and all really intimidating.
Going to school was the last thing I wanted to do. In fact, I remember dreading having to put my backpack on, go to school, and sit in class. I felt like a fish out of water. I couldn’t understand anyone. It was hard to communicate with people and it was even harder make friends. I hated not being able to do as well in school as I had done in Brazil. I hated not being able to fully comprehend the material being taught.
Although not the most pleasant of experiences, God showed up and provided in so many ways. I realized that I could never do things on my own. I did not have all the answers, and it was time I put all my trust in God.
God used my ESL teacher in that school to teach me about patience, kindness and love. She always went above and beyond to make sure I was able to not only learn English but make friends, try new things, and to enjoy my time at school.
One of my greatest experiences was being loved and embraced by Christ the King Church. Through CTK I saw that God had already prepared a home away from home for my family and me. The church had been praying for us even before we got here. They all knew my name and already cared for me. During this time, many brothers and sisters in Christ were willing to help our family through this transition, and they too went above and beyond to care for all of us and make us feel welcomed. Through these experiences I learned to trust God as provider. He is the kind shepherd who faithfully cares for his flock. Despite being very young, I knew in my heart that I needed to trust God in knowing He was going to be the one guiding me not only during this strange time but for the rest of my life.
My first year in America was a challenging one. It was full of transitions and new discoveries. I learned a beautiful lesson of learning to be content wherever I was. This was also a time of incredible spiritual growth where I learned to trust God more and more each day. My faith became the only consistent thing I could be certain of then, and continue to be certain of and completely dependent upon now.
As I got older, I began to understand that God has called me to live for Him, and that means living life differently than the world (which is easier said then done). My desire is that others may see a difference in my life through my actions rather than just my words. I am still learning to trust God in knowing that He will mold me into who he desires me to be. I am aware that I will continue to struggle with giving up control and at times my heart will be afraid of trusting God. All I can do is pray that God will continue to work in my heart as I live for something much greater than myself. All He asks is for a heart that is willing to trust.
Adila De Souza is currently an undergraduate student of Psychology and Biblical Studies at Gordon College and Resident Advisor of Evans Hall. She attends CTK Cambridge.